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Farmer Alarmer
Artist, author, illustrator and humorist Graham Clarke – also President of CPRE Kent – wrote this marvellous poem for our AGM. We hope you enjoy it!
FARMER ALARMER
Graham Clarke 2015
Put on me gaiters to plant me pertaters
Make sure me trousis is tied up with string
Soon there’ll be earlies, wait for the laters
Now that the Winter ‘as turned into Spring
Oh what a joy to hear me alarm
At five in the mornin’ to work on me farm
To see to me cows is just a sheer pleasure
And make sure me ‘orse ‘as plenty of oats
Slip in the slurry, just for good measure
And spill all the rubbish, meant for the goats
Dyin’ for breakfast then ‘ear a shout
Quick come ‘ere father, pigs have got out
Try to enjoy this nice drop of rain
Get meself dry, so it starts again
Four dozen other jobs fill up me day
While all this ‘ere rain jus’ ruins me ‘ay
Jump on me bike, fall off at the pub
Swig a quick pint then back ‘ome for grub
‘Ang up wet jacket an’ me wet’at
Just missed The Archers, well thank God for that
Shove cat off me chair, turn on the telly
Quickly nod off, with cat on me belly
Overdo me quick little snooze
Wake with jump, too late for the News
Daft TV quiz, to worry me ‘ead
Can’t answer a thing, so creep up to bed
Dream of a Bentley an’ luxury cruise
Get up in the night, trip over me shoes
Oh what a pleasure to work on me farm
An’ look forward again to that bloody alarm
- A number of important documents have yet to emerge. For example, a rigorous transport plan and a finalised air-quality assessment. The latter is critical given that allocations at Teynham will feed extra traffic into AQMAs.
- There seems to be no coherent plan for infrastructure delivery – a key component of the plan given the allocations being proposed near the already crowded Junction 7.
- There seems to have been little or no cooperation with neighbouring boroughs or even parish councils within Swale itself.
The removal of a second consultation might have been understandable if this final version of the plan were similar to that being talked about at the beginning of the consultation process. It is, however, radically different in the following ways:
- There has been a major shift in the balance of housing allocations, away from the west of the borough over to the east, especially around the historic town of Faversham. This is a move that raises many concerns.
- A new large allocation, with accompanying A2 bypass, has appeared around Teynham and Lynsted, to which we are objecting.
- Housing allocations in the AONB around Neames Forstal that were judged “unsuitable” by the council’s own officers have now appeared as part of the housing numbers.
- Most of the housing allocations being proposed are on greenfield sites, many of them on Grade 1 agricultural land – a point to which we are strongly objecting.
Concerns about the rush to submit the plan
The haste with which the plan is being prepared is especially worrying given the concentration of housing in Faversham. If the town is to take a large amount of new housing, it is imperative that the policies concerning the area are carefully worked out to preserve, as far as possible, the unique nature of the town. The rush to submit the plan is likely to prove detrimental.
As Swale does not have a five-year land housing supply, it is open to speculative development proposals, many of which would run counter to the ideas contained in the current plan. Some are already appearing. This is a common situation, and one that, doubtless, is a reason behind Swale’s haste.
Our overriding fear, however, is that this emphasis on haste is ultimately going to prove counterproductive. This is because it is our view that the plan, in its current form, is unlikely to pass independent examination. We are urging Swale to listen to and act upon the comments being made about the plan and to return the plan to the council with appropriate modifications before submitting it to the Secretary of State.
Essentially, this means treating the current consultation not as the final one but as the ‘lost’ second consultation.
The consultation ends on Friday 30 April and we strongly urge residents to make their opinions known if they have not already done so.
Further information
